What NOT to say to a person experiencing infertility... OR... the top 10 things to say if you're a complete idiot and want to make them feel like poo

It might seem a little odd that I'm posting a blog about what not to say to someone dealing with infertility problems, given that we are currently prego. However, many of you might know that we do have fertility problems. But I'm not posting on direct behalf of myself tonight. Unfortunately, fertility problems are more and more common now-a-days (yeah, I just used that word... I might be turning into my mother, so what?) and I have quite a few friends with their own reproductive challenges. After a tear-filled phone conversation with one of these friends yesterday, I thought I might post some guidelines for those who might not know what to say (or not say in this case) to someone having problems in the baby-making area.

We'll start with #10 and work our way down, just like Letterman...
10. How about getting a dog? (A dog, really?)

9. There are so many children in the world already. (And your point is......?)

8. Have you tried _______________ ("standing on your head after sex?"... just fill in the blank. Unless it's an actual medical procedure or something that has some reason or research behind it, just stop.)

7. When it's suppose to happen, it'll happen. (According to...? If you're religious and offering this advice, a double slap for you... don't you believe that you have to help everything along? I can't just assume that if I want to repent, that that's enough. You have to do something about it.)

6. You don't want to be pregnant anyway. It wrecks your body. (Yup, 'cause I'm worried about that Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover I have to shoot later in the year.)

5. Ya know, I thought we'd have problems getting pregnant too, but we didn't! (Gee, thanks. I needed to be reminded that you got knocked up without a problem.)

4. At least you'll never have to go through childbirth. (Are you serious? Would you rather go through childbirth or have a gazillion appoints with a million doctors who all want to check out your girly bits and then go through hormone supplements/shots, painful procedures, etc. not to mention all the emotional gut-punches?)

3. You're still young. Don't worry about it. (Don't worry if your bank account is empty and you have no job and this is your last box of crackers... it'll all work out - you're still young.)

2. Just relax and it'll happen. (Yeah, the last time I checked ALL the yoga teachers were just poppin' out those babies.)

1. Maybe you're just not meant to be a mother. (I am not a fan of cursing. However, there are some instances where I have been known to make an exception. You can assume that this is one of them.)


I hope that when you read through that, that you were using your best sarcastic voice for all the blue bits. If not, read it again!

I really am not a bitter person. I know my blue-bits of sarcasm might make you think that. I'm really not. I am very cheerful :) (: However, when going through the throws of infertility and perhaps losing your dream, or at least having it change, your emotions are a little.... whacky, psychotic, whatever you want to call it. And when someone tells you some of these things on the list it feels like they are trying to diminish your pain. We don't want it swept under the rug. We want you to listen. To offer support and say you're sorry that this is happening. To be THERE - as a friend, a mother, a sister, whatever you are. Just be there.

Ok, now really - I am NOT a bitter person. Will it take another smiley face to convince you? :-)
I just know how it feels, and maybe a little protective over those going through similar trials. Especially my friends. Now, your challenge - your test - your mission, is to not say stupid things. :) Or, for those of you all too familiar with these cliche, dense remarks, what are the ones you hated/hate the most?